So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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