I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
