dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
