You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
