Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
