I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Holy shit dude........stairs
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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