I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
