I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
