I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
