you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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