Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
