Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
