don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
