Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
