hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
