how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
