Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
