Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
