I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
