He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize