Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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