She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
