Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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