when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize