He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
