i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
