The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
