Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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