My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
