It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
