Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
