i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
