woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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