i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
