So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
