The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize