i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
