and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
