ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
