Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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