Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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