i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
