morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
