My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize