Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
