there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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