She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize