i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
