im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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