i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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