How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
