My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
