you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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