You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
