I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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