I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
