i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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