I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
