She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
