i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
