I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
