Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
