Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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