Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
