Jerry, you need to find god
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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