I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
