So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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