I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
