I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
