if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
