Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
