Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
