You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize