I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
