A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
