I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You took a bar mat shot.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
