It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
