I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
