haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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