hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
