MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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