I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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