i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize