I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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