Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize