DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
