Can i not drive my cunt home
420 ftw
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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