I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
