oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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