The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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