Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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