I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
