In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
