Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize