Sponge bath it is.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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